2016.

‚Äčone of the longest running traditions i have on social media is titling the current chapter of my life — it’s something i’ve been doing since 2007, and it always consists of one word for the year. (rookie, to mark my first year as a teacher, was 2015, for example.)

so, with it being deep enough into 2016, i have my title to share with you guys this year, but to understand why i picked this also involves sharing something really vulnerable, too.

in july — actually, the day KD decided he would be a Warrior — i had a relationship of 1.5 years come to an end. i am still cleaning up the fallout from this now, and probably will be for the foreseeable while, even though it’ll end up better in the long run not to have that kind of toxicity and a significant other who takes me for granted in my life. 

my breakup isn’t the only thing that happened this year, though, and when i think back on 2016 i will equally remember the struggle of turning 25, which, while a milestone, hasn’t yet been a lifechanging 3 months the way we would love to think. there are signs that i am moving toward fully functioning adulthood, but i still often feel behind the curve — i don’t cook regularly, i don’t run errands on time and am constantly flooded with stuff i haven’t graded and and and and — especially in comparison to everyone else around me. (i run in some accomplished circles, evidently.)

most of these first few months have been spent trying to learn that that’s okay, as long as i keep moving in the right direction, and that i still have value even in my incompleteness. 

i’m a slow learner with some big goals that i’m inconsistent about reaching. 

but i’ll get there. eventually. just like everything else so far. 

this year’s title is some wordplay that captures both those experiences.

xxv. – n – 

1) a year in my life in which i x’d out my ex: v. 

2) the 25th chapter in the novel of nam, filled with struggle, slow growth, and hopefully before long, sunshine.working title.